


I'm Sorry I'm Here

by Fanfictionismylife



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Crying, I love Virgil I swear, M/M, Thunderstorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfictionismylife/pseuds/Fanfictionismylife
Summary: I had a really bad panic attack and decided to write a oneshot that actually includes some shit I said (wow) to my friends over text oo! aa! I project a lot so now Virgil has to suffer haha sorry, also they are human and just roommates in this!





	I'm Sorry I'm Here

Virgil got out of bed, already awake, as his alarm went off. He hadn’t been able to sleep that much, and when he had fallen asleep he heard a rumble of thunder in the distance. He stopped his alarm quickly, being sure not to wake his roommates. He turned on the TV, waiting for the hosts of Good Morning America to hurry up and announce the weather. He grabbed a cup of coffee, pouring some cream in. He felt on edge. He was always extremely anxious and cynical, but today he felt like something bad was going to happen. The news being on didn’t help. All the news of break-ins, some by the shared apartment, and the occasional murder suspect’s face being shown put him even more on edge. As the weather woman started talking, Logan walked into the kitchen area. He grabbed some coffee, retreating to his office after informing Virgil that Patton would be up pretty soon. The rain began to pour suddenly, the sound of rain spreading throughout the apartment, seizing Virgil with fear. The weather woman on the other hand kept speaking of how there would be “clear skies and maybe some drizzles here and there.” Virgil turned off the TV, he turned on some music and shoved his headphones over his ears. The anxiety crawling up his chest was stronger than his music, however, and the fears began to crawl into his head. He abruptly stopped his music, the silence was deafening. The rain wasn’t helping, so he put the music back on. Nothing was helping, so he opted for suppressing the feeling. He got up, heading on a straight course to his bedroom. Patton and Roman passed by him in the midst of a discussion, they each waved at him as he retreated to his room.

Throughout the day, he kept receiving alerts from his news app. They ranged from flooding, making Virgil fear he would drown, to more information about the break-ins in the neighborhood. He kept thinking he heard someone trying to break in, before realizing it was just Patton, Roman, and, on occasion, Logan having fun. Then his phone died, he hadn’t noticed it had only been at 32% that morning. As his music cut off suddenly, he heard a long, loud roll of thunder. He bit his lip, but a small yelp followed by a whimper slipped past. He squeezed his eyes shut, his chest like it was constricting. _Everything is too much toomuchtoomuchtoomuch and I'm just too little and I'm worthless._ A few tears started to fall down his face, he felt like he was underwater. And suddenly he couldn’t breathe, and he barely heard Patton knocking on the door, saying that they were going to watch a movie. The sound of water filled his ears, he couldn’t really feel the other three surrounding him. He was gasping for breath, Logan spoke up, “Virgil, how do you feel?” Virgil rasped out a quiet response, tears falling faster, “it hurts to breathe and I can't breathe and I'm gonna die I don’t wanna die but I can't breathe it hurts so much to breathe. I'm sorry I'm a burden I shouldn't be here, you all have things to do I shouldn't force you to listen to me all the time, I’m so sorry,” Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil’s torso from behind, and he leaned back into the touch. Logan grabbed Virgil’s hand, breathing steadily. He did the breathing exercise he usually did with Virgil. “Ok, 1-2-3-4, now pause, 2-3-4-5-6-7, and breathe out 2-3-4-5-6-7-8,” he repeated the pattern, searching for a sign that Virgil was starting to breathe normally. But, Virgil’s face just grew more panicked, still gasping he quickly mumbled, “The breathing exercises aren't helping me I’m scared it hurts,” Logan rubbed circles on his hands, Patton spoke up, “can you tell me what hurts, kiddo?” Logan gave Patton a grateful look, “my chest hurts and my throat hurts too… I think I’m gonna pass out it’s really scary I’m so scared, and I can’t breathe and everything keeps going in and out of focus, and I'm sorry for being here I’m sorry I’m really sorry I'm awful I shouldn't be making you guys hear this it's probably not good for you guys this is bad really bad I'm so awful I'm sorry I'm awful and rude... my ribs hurt and my sides and everything and my teeth and my head and my lungs and actually breathing I can’t do anything it’s the worst that I've ever felt and I'm gonna die and I can’t breathe, but no one will even care because I’m useless and no one actually wants me around because why would anyone want to deal with a piece of shit like me...” Virgil cried harder. Roman turned Virgil a bit more towards him, letting him sob into his shoulder. “Everything hurts I want this to stop I can't go on like his and I can't eat anything anymore and  I'm so tired from not being able to breathe and everything is dizzy and blurry and nothing's real but everything is so heightened nothing is good it's all bad,” Roman rubbed his back, “Virge, I’m sorry you have to deal with this, I promise that you’ll be able to breathe… I know it’s hard, but you will be able to.” Patton spoke again, grabbing one of Virgil’s hands, “Virgil, you can talk to us… you know that, right” Virgil shrugged slightly, “I don't want to worry people I can't talk about it,” he started to wipe his tears, but the tears kept falling, another choked sob came out. “I’m so sorry… please don’t leave me, I’m sorry, I won’t make you guys deal with me anymore… I’m so sorry I know I’m not wanted I’ll try to stop you guys from dealing with me you’re better off without me I’m sorry.” Virgil began to curl into himself even more, he hugged Roman tighter, still crying into his shoulder. Roman lifted Virgil up a bit, looking into his eyes, “You are wanted Virge, We all love you and care about you… please listen to us.” Virgil’s tears began to slow a bit and he sat up a bit. Roman wiped his tears with his thumbs. “I’m sorry about this guys… I’ll try to deal with this on my own next time,” Roman shook his head, but Patton was the one who spoke, “Kiddo, you have to tell us if this happens again… it’s not safe to deal with this on your own, has this…” Patton sighed, “has this happened before, Virgil?” He wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, Logan placed a hand on his back, “Virgil...”. Virgil groaned, “y-yeah… but I can deal with it, I-I swear!” He felt another anxiety attack coming on, he whispered, “please don’t leave me…” Thankfully, Roman understood the look in Virgil’s eyes, and sensed the new waves of panic rippling of of him.  “How about we stop asking him questions and just let Virge rest,” he suggested, Virgil nodded tiredly. Logan and Patton left the room together. As Roman got up to leave, Virgil grabbed his hand, “do you want me to stay?” Virgil nodded slowly, “Okay, do you want to talk?” He shook his head no, “that’s ok, but please know that we are here, and we want to help you, Virge,” he just snuggled into Roman’s arms as the two leaned against the back of the bed. As Virgil fell asleep Roman kissed the top of his head and mumbled, “I love you, and we all love you Verge… please never forget that.”


End file.
